Many women I coach and speak to see being 30-something and single as a failure either because of their own expectations or someone else’s. They feel as though they aren’t meeting a pre-conceived notion of where they should be in life.

The fact is, life in your 30s is an empowering time. One where you begin to feel completely confident in your own skin, ready to take on the world on your own terms.

Many women choose to be single in their 30s, either because they’ve spent most of their 20s in long-term relationships, or they simply understand they need to experience life independently to grow. Others may not be there by choice, but it doesn’t mean they too can’t revel in the benefits.

No matter how you found yourself in this situation, if you’re in your 30s and feel like you’re ‘missing something’ because you’re single, here are 10 positives to reset your mindset towards a fulfilling experience, regardless of your relationship status.

1. You’ve Had Time to Experiment with Life and Men.

Having the time to experiment in relationships and life is a gift we often overlook when we’re a part of a couple. Though we learn a lot through being with a partner, experiencing life as a single woman opens doors you may never have contemplated, leading to a balanced, expanded view of yourself and men.

When you’re single in your 30s, you gain the ability to be discerning, regarding what you want from a relationship, meaning clarity and independence when dating. You learn what you want and don’t want in a man, because you’ve branched out of your comfort zone and experienced different people. Relationships that are better balanced and more fulfilling are the result.

2. You’ve Fostered Amazing Friendships.

Friendships are often left by the wayside in relationships; however, when you’re in your 30s and single, you’re better able to see, encourage, and invest time in lifelong friendships.

Female friendships are just as important as relationships, and we acknowledge how much they add to our lives, by sharing experiences, support, and love. We form the ability to discern which types of friendships we want to cultivate and how to let go of toxic situations with people.

3. Your Career or Hobbies Can Take Center Stage.

Being single in your 30s means you can put all your energy into your treasured dreams, with the mental capacity to kick your goals. You’re no longer confused about your objectives, and you have the skills to put your desires into real plans to live the life you love. Having time to invest in these, without distractions, is a blessing and a path of intense growth.

A common theme in society, even today, is women giving up their passions to fall into the life of their partner, to the exclusion of all else. In your 30s, you know this is an unhealthy mindset and one that leads to utter dependence and future regret for the things you ‘could have’ done.

Living your passions means being in line with your life purpose, so if it’s not something you’re already doing in your 30s, now’s the time to put fear aside and take the plunge into your dreams.

4. You’ve Gained Independence.

Whether it be financially, mentally, spiritually, or materialistically, the opportunity to be single in your 30s means leaps and bounds for your sense of independence.

Cultivating independence is something single women in their 30s do naturally, as they’ve had the time to build their lives irrespective of relationship status. In doing this, the dating experience becomes a fantastic learning ground as you make choices based on how relationships add to your life, rather than for the purpose of securing one.

5. Family Relationships Can Be Strengthened.

Often in relationships in our 20s, important issues and lessons within our families get ‘shoved under the rug’. This can be because you’ve put all your time into a relationship, because your family doesn’t agree with your choice of partner, or simply because location and logistics in your relationship made family time difficult.

Family relationships become more important as time goes on, and we fully realise the value of having supportive, positive, and encouraging people in our lives by the time we hit our 30’s. Our families may be the ones we learn our most significant lessons from, and if you’re single and 30-something, you’ve been given a gift to form connections with them you otherwise wouldn’t be able to.

6. You Can Travel When and How You Want To.

Travel is an integral part of life to learn and experience new things. Travelling in your 30s, when you’re single, becomes more about journeying towards inner growth than lying on the beach with a cocktail (though this is still, and will always be, awesome fun!)

Because you’ve cultivated interests that have nothing to do with anyone but you, travelling is an opportunity to immerse yourself in them, leading to memorable experiences you wouldn’t have had holidaying as a couple.

7. You’re Comfortable in Your Own Skin.

Have you ever looked at a woman walk into a room and own it? That woman everyone wants to talk to and looks totally at home in any situation is a woman who’s completely comfortable in her own skin.

Being comfortable in your own skin comes from time spent with yourself, loving and embracing everything about yourself and experiencing life as an independent entity. This is a gift for single women in their 30s – a built-up confidence that women who’ve spent all their time in relationships often miss out on.

8. You Can Fully Embrace Your Own Tastes and You Never Think, ‘If Only I…”

If you want a pink feature wall, you can have one. If you want to backpack solo around China, you can. If you want to study painting, you do. Being single in your 30s means you spend less time regretting the things you ‘could have done’ and more time doing it.

Being single in your 30s means you spend less time regretting the things you ‘could have done’ and more time doing it.

Life is about trying everything we’ve ever wanted to do, rather than settling into a society driven version of what we ‘should do’. Single women in their 30s are often brimming with fascinating stories, a wealth of insights and the ability to advise others, because they’ve lived it. They love life, and they know the most important person in their life is themselves.

9. You Understand Your Inner-Self.

In your 30s, without the distraction of another person’s journey, you have time to evaluate your inner landscape to develop a sense of self that’s not dependent on relationships or external events.

Developing your inner landscape differs greatly from having external experiences, whether they be in relationships, careers, travel, or friendships. When you learn how to listen to and cooperate with your intuition, you clear out any baggage that may have clouded your mind, leaving space to live a spontaneous, freedom-filled life.

This will lead to attracting the partner of your dreams – if that’s what you choose. The point is, when you’re single and in your 30s, you know everything is a choice. Your choice. The freedom this brings to your life far outweighs the ‘need’ for a relationship, so when you do embark on one, you’re doing so, simply because it brings total joy into your life.

10.There’s more time than you think to start a family

We’ve all heard bad news about pregnancy rates after 30, but what are the facts?

Contrary to popular belief, there is still plenty of time to find ‘the one’, and build a life with them (including kids) in your 30’s. The widely publicized data that conception rates are disastrous after 35 comes from a popular 2004 study. The not-so-publicized fact is that this study was based off French birth records from 1670-1830.

http://humrep.oxfordjournals.org/content/19/7/1548.full

78% of women aged 35-39 were pregnant within a year, just 6% lower than the 20-34-year-old age group.

A study of today’s women (770 of them) done by done by David Dunson and published in obstetrics and gynecology (2004) found that the conception rates of women in their late 20’s and early 30’s were almost identical, and furthermore, that rates dropped just 4% in women aged 35-39 (82% total with twice weekly intercourse).

http://journals.lww.com/greenjournal/Fulltext/2004/01000/Increased_Infertility_With_Age_in_Men_and_Women.10.aspxYoublacklove

An even more emphatic example was performed by Kenneth Rothman, who studied 2820 Danish women at Boston University. 78% of women aged 35-39 were pregnant within a year, just 6% lower than the 20-34-year-old age group.

http://www.fertstert.org/article/S0015-0282(13)00339-7/fulltext

The point? If you want kids, you’ve still got plenty of time. If you take action, meet men everywhere and put real time and effort into this incredibly important area of your life, you most definitely can still have it all.