Dating can be a lot like going on a roller coaster. One minute you’re heading to the top with anticipation for what’s to come. Next, you’re riding at high speed and loving the thrill, only to land with a sharp jolt back to reality. You might love riding roller coasters, but you’d feel pretty sick if you did it all day, every day.
It’s ups and downs like this that lead to dating burnout, as it’s as easy to overdose on emotions as it is on sugar. Combine this with a couple of late nights, unhealthy eating habits or a busy schedule and it’s obvious that burnout is on the way. You know what though? It’s entirely possible to heal quickly and get back out there on the dating scene.
Think about it this way. Anyone can get excited about dating, create a great profile and head out on a date. This is taking action towards getting what you want out of life. Often though, it only takes one disappointment to lose that excitement and sink into non-action. Therefore, it’s the consistency of the action taken and your ability to bounce back from disappointment or no action, that counts. It’s all about building resilience.
Here are five steps to help you do just that, on your way to dealing with emotional burnout in dating.
1. Check Your Current Emotional State
The first signs of burnout, no matter what causes it, tend to be very subtle. They could be feelings of irritation over minor things, tiredness for no good reason or anxiety, among many others. As soon as you feel slightly ‘off’ like this, it’s time to check in with yourself to discover the real issue. Yes, your dating life might feel exhausting, but perhaps it’s just a symptom of something else.
Asking yourself questions is a good way to unravel your emotional state. For example, are you getting enough sleep? What have you been eating lately? Is your schedule so full that you have no time for yourself? Do you drink enough water every day? Are you focused on the things you love, or has a mundane life taken over?
It helps to write them down and really take a moment to ponder each detail. That way, you’ll pick up on anything that’s spilled over into all areas, making life, in general, seem much worse than it is. You might find that because you were so busy at work one week, your diet suffered, you missed the yoga classes you love and you didn’t get to catch up with the girls on Friday night. In this case, you’re going to feel much worse than usual, when the guy you met online hasn’t messaged you back yet.
2. Get Your Life Back on Track Quickly
Once you’ve identified what the issues are, jump to correct them within 24 to 72 hours. It’s important to take immediate action, so you don’t fall deeper into the burnout hole. Remind yourself that, other than people, the most important things in life include being healthy and feeling happy, motivated and confident.
You must put yourself first, when you feel signs of burnout. If work is too busy and it’s not making you happy, take steps to change the situation in any way you can. When you can’t seem to stop eating junk food on the run, practice mindfulness next time you eat it. Really think about what you’re putting in your body. That should be enough to curb the habit and snap yourself into healthier eating.
Stop saying ‘yes’ to everything and everyone before yourself. Unless it’s an emergency or very important, prioritise what you love to do and stick with it. Even if you think it’s a small sacrifice, like often missing exercise classes to help workmates, those little things add up and you don’t notice until you’re feeling like shit.
When you’re physically rundown, getting sick often and feeling overwhelmed emotionally, the quickest fix is to take yourself off on a break. Just jumping in the car for a quick weekend road trip is enough to break routine and get back to seeing the bigger picture.
3. Reinvigorate Your Feminine Energy
How often do you focus on your feminine energy? It’s probably much less than you think and that’s definitely a contributing factor to emotional dating burnout. Chances are you spend a fair bit of time in a logical, problem-solving head space, whether it be at work or at home. If you’ve had a few disappointing dates, like with men who’ve overstepped your boundaries, you may have been in emotional defense or battle modes.
Whatever it is that causes an imbalance, it’s crucial to bring yourself back into alignment. Dropping into your feminine energy allows you to flow, feel and receive naturally, which helps to unblock negative mindsets or behaviours. It’s perfectly ok to embrace your feminine side, by coaxing her out and giving her some well-deserved attention!
There are plenty of ways to do this. Practice bringing yourself into the present moment, as this is where the goddess lives. Spend time with your best girlfriends and soak in the feelings of love, support and togetherness. Be creative as often as possible, by doing a hobby that you love or simply putting together a fantastic outfit each day.
Whenever you can, enrich your senses by making your environment beautiful, with flowers, scents, music, candles or whatever it is that makes you feel alive, free and feminine. Move your body as much as possible to release tension and allow energy to flow. This doesn’t mean you have to go to the gym. In fact, rigid forms of exercise aren’t very useful when you’re trying to drop into the feminine. All you need to do is dance to your favourite tunes, walk in nature, swim in the ocean or any form of movement that makes you feel free and happy.
4. Restore the Foundation
Once you’ve fixed any lifestyle issues that contribute to dating burnout and embraced your feminine energy, it’s time to kick butt in life again. At this point, you might be four to six days into the process and starting to feel considerably better. So, you’re ready to get back to tackling challenges, like working on your career, finances, health or social life. These things are your foundation and keep you grounded and confident in hard times.
While you were feeling burnt out, you probably let some important things slide. Taking it one step at a time, tick all the boxes to get back on track. Pay that bill, go to the dentist, finish your assignment, meet that deadline. Whatever you know you should have been doing, but haven’t, is what you need to complete.
As your life comes together, you’ll start feeling much more confident and in control. You won’t be so susceptible to a roller coaster of emotions, you won’t be putting all your thoughts into who has or hasn’t messaged you and you’ll love the sense of anticipation that working on yourself brings. You’ll feel like moving forward.
5. Start Dating Again… With Fun!
Now that you’ve taken steps to heal yourself, it’s time to get back out there again. Only this time, do it in a way that’s fun. Only accept dates to places you know you’d enjoy irrespective of who your date was. Talk about all the topics YOU want to talk about rather than adapting or wondering if he’s interested. Focus on making dating fun for you, rather than him, and you’ll give your date the opportunity to see the best of you.
Whether you know it or not, by taking a break and time to reset, you would have built resilience. This, along with making the process fun, will ensure that you’re reinvigorated ready to continue as an action taker.
Next time you notice signs of burnout (which you shouldn’t as long as you keep having fun!) be ready to act before it takes over. Take a step back, take care of yourself and your energy, and focus on resetting and enjoying the process. You’ll be prioritising what matters to you and deliberately making time for improvement in all areas.
Remember, it’s the consistency of your action taken and how quickly your resilience bounces you back when you DO stop taking action that determines your ultimate success. Use the first day or two when you’re feeling burnt out to check the basics, use the next week or so to look after your feminine side and kick butt in your life. Then, you’ll be back on the dating scene, renewed and revitalised, ready to take action again and have fun making him yours in no time at all.
