You already know you don’t need a man to swoop in and look after you for the rest of your life, right? You might be nodding your head because you don’t want to appear, let alone admit to yourself, that you do feel like you need a man. That’s all good when it’s the healthy need we all have to experience deep connections, love and emotional fulfilment with others.
However, there’s a fine line between healthy needs and looking to a man to provide you with things you can only give to yourself. Without fulfilling yourself, it’s almost impossible to have a relationship that’s based on equal give and take. In the worst-case scenario, this is how energy vampires are born. If we’re constantly trying to plug into other people to fill a void within ourselves, happiness is nothing but a succession of quick thrills followed by head-thumping come downs.
Check in with yourself to see if you’re consciously, or unconsciously, trying to source any of these five things from men. The first step towards the balance between healthy and unhealthy needs, is identifying and acknowledging them. The outcome is a happy and fulfilled ‘you’, who effortlessly attracts men for all the right reasons.
1. Validation
Self-validation is such a big topic and one that generally stems from childhood. As kids, we look to others to validate us by quickly learning that we feel good when we’re praised by adults. This leads to striving for that praise and believing that we need it in order to feel good about ourselves.
On the dating scene, it’s all too easy to feel validated by attention and compliments. On the flip side, we dread rejection because it makes us feel as if we’re not good enough. This simply isn’t true, either way. Hookups only offer a quick ego boost and rejections have everything to do with the other person and nothing to do with you.
You don’t need a man, or anyone else, to validate you as a person and you never will. There’s only one person who can make you feel good about yourself. You. A man can never offer you self-worth because it’s all in that little word, ‘self’. If you’re trying to source validation from men, face your fears by being honest with yourself and going on a journey to build your self-esteem. This will, literally, transform your dating life and life in general.
2. Your Happiness
If you’re waiting for a man to make you happy, you’re going to be waiting forever. This is because, the longest relationship you’re ever going to have is with yourself. So, if it’s not a good one, there’s not a Prince Charming on earth who’s going to change that. That ring, marriage, house, kids or anything else you’re aiming for, isn’t going to change it either.
Everything you do is just a moment in time. Beautiful moments in relationships and life reinforce happiness, but they don’t create it. You do. Prove this to yourself by thinking about a happy moment, right now. Feel the emotion that comes from the thought. Who’s creating it? You are, without the need for anything in the external. This is how powerful you are. Stop seeking happiness from a man, by understanding that you are, and always will be, the source of your own happiness.
3. Financial Security
There’s no doubt that history has left the female collective with the huge burden of scrambling to break through the glass ceiling. It hasn’t happened quite yet, but the momentum towards it is in full swing. In the abundant world we live in today, there’s absolutely nothing stopping you from reaching out and taking financial success, other than your mindset.
Opportunity is everywhere and you never have to think that you need a man to support you financially. If you have fears about speaking up to get that pay rise, branching into your own business or pursuing your wildest dreams, remember that fear really is an illusion (unless you’re being chased by a bear). Take the bull by the horns and go after what you want. Be persistent and don’t allow outdated beliefs to squash that inner goddess who’s dying to get out and make her mark on the world.
4. To Make Decisions
When a man takes charge in a relationship, it makes you feel safe, secure and cherished. This is a beautiful thing and there’s nothing wrong with desiring a man who’ll do just that. In fact, you deserve nothing less. However, there’s a big difference between desiring something and needing it to get by in life.
Decision-making is a skill that everyone can learn and the ability to do so is crucial for self-empowerment. If you’re constantly looking to others to make decisions for you, you’ll spend your life floating along waiting for that knight in shining armour to rescue you.
Worse still, always relying on a man to make decisions for you drains him emotionally and energetically. It’s a lose-lose situation, where both of you become disempowered within the imbalance of it. Work your decision-making muscles to build on them and you’ll feel your sense of self-worth rise as a result.
5. Your Emotional Stability
It’s always good to have a man around to ground you and support you in feeling secure, just like it’s good for a man to have a woman help him in this way. Again though, there’s a huge difference between thinking you need a man for emotional stability, and knowing that a man’s input simply reinforces it within yourself.
If you’re not emotionally secure within yourself, you’ll feel the need to rely on a man to give you this stability. He feels the pressure of this, which is one of the top reasons why men start to pull away. When you make a man responsible for your emotions, you give away your own power while trying to take too much of his. He wants to give to you, help you and care for you, but not at the expense of his own wellbeing.
None of us wants a relationship where we feel as if we’re someone’s career, over and above being equals. So, though it’s a wonderful thing to feel emotionally fulfilled with a man – and a requirement for a healthy relationship – it’s not something you need him for. There are so many things you can do to ensure you feel emotionally fulfilled within yourself. Do the hobbies you love, hang out with the girls, kick career goals and practice gratitude for the little things in your life that make it authentically ‘yours’.
When you know you don’t need a man for validation, happiness, financial security, decision-making and emotional stability, you’re on the right track to attracting the relationship of your dreams. Better yet, you’ll transform your life towards being truly happy and fulfilled, with or without it.
