The mindsets you bring to sex determine not just how much your man enjoys sex with you, but more importantly – how he feels about sex with you.
The better he feels about his bedroom capabilities, the more he’s going to see himself as god’s gift – and will want to keep coming back to prove it.
Most women don’t realise how much their attitudes to sex can make or break their partner and their relationship. So for his sake, and yours, here are 6 bedroom mindsets men love to find in a woman.
1.“I won’t pressure my man”
If you were struggling to climax or get turned on, and a man kept telling you to “hurry up”, do you think it would help?
Men care about pleasing you – a lot. When they feel like they can’t, they’re already freaking out in their own heads.
When you’re with a guy who’s struggling to get it up or finish, piling on the pressure will NOT do you any good. In fact, it will have the opposite effect.
Just like you, men need to be relaxed to enjoy themselves. If you help him get comfortable and show him you don’t mind, you’re a much better chance of getting things going again.
2. “I’ll never say never”
Does he have a fantasy that you could never imagine yourself doing?
Despite how against it you might feel, you may want to be careful with the language you use, steering clear of the word “never”.
When a man offers up some sort of sexual fantasy (from a dress up to anal to involving someone else), the use of the word “never” puts him in a quandary.
By telling him never, you are essentially saying to him “You will have to be with another woman if you ever want to experience that”.
Is that something you want to be emphatically communicating?
I know what you’re thinking. “But Mark, I would never have a threesome. Why is it wrong to say so?”.
What’s important to understand is, men often bring up fantasies not because they actually want to do them, but because they are testing to see whether – if they did – they couldn’t with you. They are testing to see how trapped they are… if they are literally choosing to never experience those fantasies by staying with you.
It’s male instinct to want to break out of traps, so why verbally put him in one every time he brings up a fantasy?
By telling him never, you are essentially saying to him “You will have to be with another woman if you ever want to experience that”.
When you give an answer with softer language, “I wouldn’t totally rule it out, but we’d have to have a lot of talking and it would be quite a way off in the future”, he doesn’t feel like he’s choosing to lose out on that fantasy forever by staying with you. It’s virtually a no, but without all the trappings that come with saying “no” outright.
The amusing part is, he usually then forgets about the whole idea.
If he’s really serious, he’ll persist, and you can cross that bridge as a couple if you come to it. Counselling and good communication can happen if he’s really passionate about making a fantasy you’re uncomfortable with a reality.
For the most part though, men don’t actually want to live out these fantasies for real. They just like feeling safe in the fact that maybe, one day, you would be the woman with whom they could.
3. “I’m going to be really f’in dirty”
The more you enter the bedroom with an attitude that you’re going to let it all out, the more your man is going to love the fact he’s the only one who gets to see it.
I’ve never met a man who complained about a sexual experience where a woman was too raw, primal or uninhibited. Yet I’ve heard hundreds of complaints from men about women who they felt were inhibited, shy, and seemed afraid to let go.
A man knows deep down that if he’s truly a man, he’ll be able to bring out the raw, sexual woman inside of you. He literally feels like a failure if he can’t.
So go in with the attitude that once the clothes are off, so are all bets. You’re going to be as dirty as you want to be – and he’s going to unleash something other men aren’t privy to.
4. “I love my body just the way it is”
You know those insecurities you have about your body?
Leave them at the bedroom door.
If you’re in a man’s room, especially for the first time, it means he’s already played out this moment multiple times in his head. He’s touched himself to thoughts of you naked. He’s imagined taking off your clothes. He’s fantasised about having you every moment since the two of you walked in the door.
So once he starts taking off your clothes and unwrapping the goddess, don’t ruin his fantasy for him.
Some women at this moment get nervous. Cover themselves. Dart under the covers. Turn the lights off. It’s instinct. But it’s an instinct you want to put aside, because it causes all of the build-up and excitement in his head to turn to dust. He thinks to himself “I guess this won’t be as good as I thought”.
He really wants to see you naked and does not care one bit about that thing you’re insecure about with your body. Even if it is a big thing – own it! The more you show you love your body and believe you’re as sexy as he thinks you are, the more you reinforce his fantasies, subtly reminding him how lucky he is.
5. “Even when I’m not in the mood, I still find you sexy”
This may shock you to hear, but…
Men have egos.
And a good chunk of a man’s ego revolves around sex.
Which means, if you’re the only woman he’s having sex with, you control most of that ego – and therefore – how he feels about himself.
Why is this important?
You’re not going to be in the mood for sex all the time. But how you communicate this can either bolster, or chip away, at his precious male ego.
Every time you reject your man harshly – every time you tell him “Go away, I’m not horny right now” or “Stop pestering me, I’m not in the mood”, you take a tiny chip out of that ego. Once or twice won’t hurt him, but chips eventually become cracks and cracks lead to collapse. It sounds extreme – but repeated damage over months and years will eventually destroy him as a man.
The better you communicate that you still find him sexy despite your rejection, “I would LOVE for you to take me right now, but I really can’t tonight, I have to sleep. Later this week I want you though!”, the more you preserve that precious male ego. Even if he’s not getting sex, he still walks away feeling like a man.
6. “I’ll show him what I like, not tell him what I don’t”
Remember, the male ego as it relates to sex is VERY delicate.
If he feels like he can’t please you, he literally feels like less of a man.
Physically show him what you enjoy “I love it when you do like this” and give positive feedback when he gets it right.
Criticism (“Stop, what are you doing??” “Ow! Don’t do it like that!!”) won’t go down well if you’re after positive change. Give feedback to a man the same way you would give feedback to a scared puppy. Positive reinforcement, rather than verbal criticism. Physically show him what you enjoy “I love it when you do like this” and give positive feedback when he gets it right. By showing him what you love, you’ll have him wanting to do it more rather than shying away.
Having the right mindsets towards your man and sex won’t just result in better experiences for the two of you – It can literally be the difference between him fantasising over the next time he gets to please you versus him feeling like he can’t.
Be fearless and open with him and understand his ego, and in return you’ll have a loving, loyal partner who wants to fulfil your every fantasy.
