7 Signs He’s Just Not That Into You

It’s a regular occurrence that I find myself talking to bewildered women stuck trying to decipher signs from men. “He touches me a lot when we’re together, but not when we’re around other people,” “He texts me every day, but doesn’t come over much,” “He’s says he’s keen to meet my friends, but seems to always be busy when the time comes.”

Confused about what these signs mean, sometimes, they pose me another question:

 “Well… what exactly are the signs a guy doesn’t like me?”

It’s a good question. Coming to a solid understanding of men and the signals they give to show disinterest is a skill that’s not only going to improve your dating results, but one that will see you reading guys better and keeping only the right ones around. Such knowledge is especially valuable, because ultimately, signs a guy doesn’t like you are much more telling about a man’s intentions than signs he does. 

Think about it. When you give a guy signs of both interest and disinterest, what is your usual interest level? You’re keen to see him once a week, but no more than that? You don’t worry about texting him every day, but you like his attention sometimes? You’ve slept with him, but haven’t felt like doing it again since?

“When a guy is giving you signs of both interest and disinterest, it’s the signs of disinterest that are the more believable.”

If this was you, I’m sure you’d agree that, even though (from the guy’s point of view) you have shown him some signs of interest, you’re just not that into this guy.

Well, it’s the same for men. When a guy is giving you signs of both interest and disinterest, it’s the signs of disinterest that are the more believable.

You don’t want someone who’s half in, and this is why the (7) signs we discuss here matter. They are subtle, rather than outright, but that’s exactly what makes them accurate. While a guy who’s interested in you can fake signs of interest, it’s very hard for him to avoid giving off these subtle signs of disinterest.

So, here are 7 signs of disinterest that any guy who’s genuinely into you won’t be showing.

1. Unreciprocated Interest

The clearest sign of disinterest a man can give you is interest-not-reciprocated. When you show clear interest or effort and it isn’t returned.

If you’re ever in doubt about a man’s feelings towards you, this is the easiest way to get an answer. When you show interest in him (once, clearly and vulnerably) and he does not return it, you can safely conclude he’s not that into you.

Where the grey area comes up here is what exactly defines ‘clear interest’. The interest you thought you were giving a man by looking at him or flirting is rarely something most men register.

Your signals of interest to a man have to be clear. Crystal clear. Examples of crystal-clear signals would be:

  • Telling him you like him
  • Going in to kiss him
  • Making a clear sexual move on him
  • Inviting him out 1-on-1 with you by text, phone, or in person

Just about anything that isn’t as obvious as those does not count as clear interest, because most men are not observant enough to register it.

If you’ve given him one of these signs, and he hasn’t taken the bait, you’ve got your answer. You can move on without having to wonder.

2. He doesn’t want to hang out with you 1-on-1.

You can’t necessarily say a guy likes you because he wants to spend 1-on-1 time with you, but you can say with absolute certainty that if a guy does not want to spend time with you 1-on-1, then he does not like you. It’s that simple.

3. He talks largely about himself and is disinterested in what’s happening with you.

 Are all your conversations one-way affairs? When a guy likes you, he’s going to be curious about you. He’ll want to connect with you and integrate himself as a part of your world. This means he’s going to show interest in your life and ask you questions regarding it.

When conversations with him are all about him, he’s showing that he’s either incredibly selfish or simply not interested in you. In either case, make yourself scarce.

When conversations with him are all about him, he’s showing that he’s either incredibly selfish or simply not interested in you. In either case, make yourself scarce.

4. Fails to be apologetic when he doesn’t get back to you in a timely fashion.

This is a big one. Unless he’s completely selfish and inward thinking (in which case, why do you want to be with him?), guys know when they’ve left it uncharacteristically long to touch base. The amount of time exactly depends on the relationship between the two of you, but all guys have a feel for it. With a girl he likes, a guy always wants to keep up the emotional momentum, connecting with her regularly, not leaving gaps where the spark can die and allow another man to jump in. So, when he can’t contact you because he’s genuinely busy, he’s aware of it and will bring it up to you in an apologetic manner the next time he talks to you.

In addition to that, he’ll take steps to stop it from happening again, so while an occasional mini-disappearance and apology is to be expected in any budding relationship, if it’s happening on a regular basis, and he’s not working really hard to prevent it, don’t buy it.

5. He doesn’t offer anything even resembling a date.

If a guy isn’t interested in making some sort of ‘nice’ attempt to take you out and win your heart, he either doesn’t want it or doesn’t value you. Either way, he isn’t worth your time.

6. He leaves gaps (days) where you’re out of contact.

Guys keep in touch with girls they’re into. They just do. They want to keep the emotional momentum moving forward and not allow another guy to sneak in and build more rapport than them.

Being busy for days at a time is not a valid excuse. Even the busiest guys can and will find 5 seconds to send you a pointless text about a show he was watching on TV or an oddity in his day. They’ll actively find an excuse to touch base with you and keep the connection flowing. Him being too busy to contact for days at a time is a clear sign he’s not interested (as long as, of course, you’re showing interest in him too). So if you planned the last date and it’s been 3 days since you heard from him, he’s not busy. He’s just not into you.

7. He avoids PDAs (Public Displays of Affection).

 When a guy is really into you, he takes opportunities to show you off to the world. The most obvious of these are PDAs (Public Displays of Affection), where he might hold your hand, kiss you, or at least be intentionally close enough to you to show the world that the two of you are more than just friends.

Not everyone is comfortable straight off the bat with PDAs, and that’s normal. But if you’ve been seeing him for more than a month or so, and he’s cosy/affectionate with you at home while still treating you like his sister in public, it’s a sign that (at the very least) he doesn’t want the world to know about the two of you. As such, it would be fair to say that his medium-to-long-term interest in you is mediocre at best.

Actions speak louder than words. If a guy is showing you signs of disinterest, take them seriously. When a man is genuinely interested in you, he doesn’t drop the ball often. He keeps up his contact, he makes an effort for you, and he’ll be pushing for 1-on-1 time. If these things aren’t present and the signs of disinterest are creeping in, take them seriously. They tell you more than his words ever could.

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