Basically, it all comes down to science.
The Science Of Love
For a bit of in-depth reading on the topic, check out Helen Fisher’s book, ‘Why We Love’. The rundown is that there are two separate, but very important pathways at play.
The first one is sex, which is driven by testosterone in both men and women. The second is love, whereby both dopamine and serotonin play the leading roles. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps control your brain’s reward and pleasure centres.
The thing with dopamine is, it increases testosterone automatically. For example, ever had that feeling where you can’t keep your hands off the guy you’re in love with? Yep, that’s dopamine doing what it does best. It’s also why people who take dopamine-increasing meds get hornier, and why you have less sex drive when you’re depressed.
However, that doesn’t mean it works the other way. Testosterone doesn’t necessarily raise your dopamine levels, which is why many of us don’t fall in love with sex buddies – and why bodybuilders aren’t walking around hopelessly in love all the time.
So, how does this help you maintain the life of your booty call?
By acting in ways that prevent your relationship from spilling over from a sexual release to a dopamine release. Here’s how.
Set Booty Call Expectations
Take control of the expectations and rules.
When you want to maintain the casual status of a booty call, it’s important to set expectations for it, right from the beginning. This is because the reason for hurt feelings, in the first place, is always unmet expectations. It’s about taking them out of the picture, so you can both relax and simply enjoy great sex with each other.
In the case of your own mindset, make sure it’s what you really want to do, so you don’t jump in with anticipation of a relationship forming. Having a sex buddy isn’t for everyone and it’s a mistake to go into it with any intention other than accepting it for what it is. So, if you’ve already thought about having his babies after two dates, take that as a warning that sex will most likely equal falling in serious, one-sided love.
Providing this isn’t the case, and in terms of his expectations, have a chat with him after the first time you have sex. Let him know, straight up, that you’re not looking for a relationship and you’re just after a bit of fun. Obviously, there’s sex involved and no commitment means you’re both open to having sex with others, so it’s important you both agree to do it safely.
Once you’ve set the expectations, you can let go of any concern about him falling for you or vice-versa. When you’re not thinking about long-term goals or expectations with regard to the person you’re sleeping with, you keep everything firmly in sexy town, where it belongs.
Don’t Overdose On Booty Calls
No matter how horny you are, seeing your sex buddy more than once a week isn’t a good idea. In fact, once a fortnight is probably best, to extend the situation for as long as possible. Just remember that the more you see each other, the closer you inch towards relationship status.
“Too much time spent with a booty call interrupts your life and your ability to go out and meet other men who could become more.”
Think about it this way. If you do see him twice or three times a week, you’re basically an unregistered girlfriend without any of the benefits, except regular sex. All that time spent with him interrupts your life and your ability to go out and meet other men. Most importantly, the more you see him, the more he’ll clog up your thoughts…and we already know where that leads.
Avoid Sleepovers
Who doesn’t love a good cuddle at night, right? It’s just far too tempting, after fabulous sex, to curl up and sleep in each other’s arms. However, dopamine as well as the connection drug, oxytocin, are released from a night of cuddling. The more you do it, the more you risk waking up with feelings deeper than rampant lust.
It helps to make booty calls early on in the evening, or during the day, so it’s not too late for one of you to go home. This is all part of setting your expectations too, so neither of you are disappointed when the other leaves or is expected to do so, before morning.
Stick To Sexual Activities
Keep things strictly naughty.
It’s pretty easy to have great sex, feel hungry and automatically go and grab a bite to eat together. This seems like a simple thing to do at first, but it means an increase in that happy drug dopamine, which is entirely derived from him. After all, if you’ve just had a couple of orgasms, you feel amazing and you’re having a lovely chat over lunch, what are you associating those vibes with? His eyes. His skill. His body. His sexy voice.
See where this is going?
Be aware, that this can just as easily happen to him, especially if you start going on fun dates and joining in each other’s lives. In fact, it’s exactly how booty calls progress into relationships. So, if this isn’t on the cards for whatever reason, stick to sexual activities and get the rest of your fun from your own life.
Keep Seeing Other Guys
The best way to keep a booty call just a booty call is to keep seeing other men. As long as you’re having safe sex, this is one of the top reasons people choose to enjoy sex buddies, in the first place. You can happily experiment while staying open to new experiences and avoiding all the complications of relationships.
Plus, when you continue to see other men, your brain is less likely to associate dopamine with one guy, which leads to those feelings of love. This doesn’t necessarily mean having sex with every guy you date, but it does mean staying on the dating scene.
This is especially important when you know your booty call is seeing other people too. Don’t fall into the trap of getting all your sexual satisfaction from him to the detriment of keeping your options open. It’s entirely possible that he’ll go out one night and ‘fall in love at first sight’ with his dream girl, thereby ending your arrangement in the blink of an eye. For that matter, you could do the same thing.
A booty call isn’t an excuse to drop out of dating. Rather, it’s a perk of it.
Don’t Keep It Going Forever
Though it’s not all that common, booty calls have been known to last for many months and even years. While it might suit some people to have that person they always turn to for a quick fix, disconnected sex never really gives long lasting satisfaction.
Now that you know the factors that come in to play that shorten, or lengthen the experience, it’s time to decide how far you want to take it. Enforce all the tips above, so you can fully enjoy yourself in the short term or let it all go and just jump into the experience as it flows. When you know you can control the situation by taking practical steps, it’s easy to find a middle ground where you feel good about it.
The bottom line is, other than safety while you’re having sex, don’t take dating or booty calls too seriously. It’s all about meeting new guys and having sex for fun. With those expectations, you simply can’t go wrong.
