How to Spot Great Dating Advice
It seems that no matter where you turn, everyone wants to offer dating advice. From a well-meaning grandmother to a man-hating friend and self-proclaimed online love gurus, it’s pretty hard to sort the good stuff from the rubbish.
Unfortunately, this means you end up with more confusion about your love life and it ups your chances of feeling pressured into following bad advice. So, first up, forget everything you’ve ever heard or read and get ready to start again.
When you do, there’s one thing you need to remember – good dating advice comes from a coach whose aim is to empower you, rather than lead you down a not-so-merry path of games and manipulation. You become empowered when you’re equipped with strategies to deal with problems, so you can find the right answers for you.
Here are four points to check advice against, so you know when to sit up and take notice, and when to firmly block your ears.
1. You being the best you leads the way
Whether it’s from a dating coach, a parent or a workmate, the only dating advice worth listening to, has you being the best you at its core. This means you’re being advised to take actions that are in harmony with a high level of self-esteem and, ultimately, improving your life.
Let’s say you use a popular search term for dating, like, ‘how to make a guy chase you’. Some advice you might have come across includes:
- Be mysterious.
- Screw with his mind by making him feel insecure.
- Set up a situation so you can make him jealous.
- Suppress your authentic self and don’t express genuine emotions.
Think about the statements for a minute and ask yourself how they make you feel. Then, do the same with these:
- Play it straight and be honest with your date.
- Build a high quality, exciting life, for you.
- Give him the green light while maintaining solid boundaries.
- Be authentic and express genuine emotions.
With the first set, did you feel insecure and subject to a whole lot of ‘dating rules’ made to fool men into chasing you? That’s because it’s literally based on lowering self-esteem further, for both males and females. This type of advice will ensure only one thing – that you lose the guy and all those who follow, because you’re basing dating on superficial games.
No doubt the second set of advice raised your self-esteem, made you feel empowered and helped you see dating from the point of view of the high-value woman you are. It’s high-value women who inevitably keep the guy, because they’re empowered within themselves. And this is the prime focus of any good dating advice.
2. It’s based on love and respect for both sexes
Have you ever read an article on dating for men that teaches how to manipulate women? Tricks include giving the cold shoulder, deliberately sending mixed signals, acting superior and making women doubt themselves so they’ll over-compensate for perceived flaws. Does that make you want to punch the person offering the advice? Fair enough.
On the flip side, there’s plenty of dating advice for women that comes from a place of man-bashing. Guys are blamed for everything, by women with low self-esteem who are often just venting anger, rather than actively dealing with their own emotional issues.
Obviously, neither types of advice are good for anyone. You want a man who loves and respects women, and men want exactly the same. Therefore, know that all useful dating advice is based on love and respect for both sexes, without exception.
3. Good dating advice doesn’t include making men feel negative emotions
Following on from good advice stemming from love and respect for both sexes, it’ll only ever teach you to give men positive experiences. Think about it this way, if you really like a guy, why would you want to try and make him feel jealous, confused, fearful or insecure, in the first place? You wouldn’t, which is why it’s bad advice, bordering on outright abuse.
Check out these examples of bad advice given to women to ‘get men’, to make the point crystal clear:
- Show interest in someone else.
- Play the victim.
- Create conflict and pain.
- Tell him you’re bored, act distant and ignore him.
Good advice, instead, answers questions like how to make him feel great, how to turn him on and attributes of high-value women that contribute to him falling in love. This advice literally revolves around enhancing positive emotions in men and women.
So, any advice you hear teaching you to make a man feel negative emotions is, quite simply, bad. But, you might wonder why people offer this kind of advice, in the first place. Interestingly, it stems from misconstrued notions about why men need to feel these emotions, to have attraction.
“Any advice you hear teaching you to make a man feel negative emotions is, quite simply, bad.”
You see, not instigating negative emotions doesn’t mean you won’t, indirectly, make a man feel them. And he does need to, on the journey towards emotional connection. For example, when a guy knows a woman puts their own self-respect above him, it incites admiration, but also a fear of loss. Jealousy confirms a man is in the presence of a high value woman, because they have healthy social lives or other men hit on them. All of this enhances the attraction he feels for her.
The thing is, high value women don’t try to make their guy feel these emotions, they happen indirectly, as a side effect of being an amazing woman. Good advice will teach you how to empower yourself towards this, rather than how to trick a man by making him feel like crap.
At the end of the day, ask yourself why anyone tries to make someone else feel negative emotions. The answer is they’re coming from a place of deep insecurity and unworthiness, so they’re trying to make up for their own perceived inadequacies. And if you do this, it’ll absolutely result in losing valuable relationships in life, including the guy.
4. Great dating advice is honest, yet understanding and helpful
Dating advice can be a double-edged sword, because it often comes from a purely personal perspective, rather than from the angle of what’s best for you. Just because someone else would approach a situation one way, doesn’t mean following their example works for everyone.
Great advice comes from someone who takes the time to understand your particular situation. It starts with questions like, “what should she do that’s best for her?” Advice that stems from what someone else would do in the same situation, is generally clouded with too many personal issues to be useful.
You also need to be wary of people telling you what you want to hear. Helpful advice means seeing a situation for what it is and communicating the facts, so you can strive towards self-improvement. Enabling certain behaviours and ignoring issues only leads to further problems.
When advice is honest, helpful and understanding, with love and respect for both men and women, you feel empowered. You discover actions you can implement straight away, towards achieving a wonderful dating life.
Now that you know this, if you feel anything less than great after receiving dating advice, walk away, stop reading or block your ears. Revisit the four points above and seek the advice you deserve, as a high-value woman.