Quite simply, nothing less will do.
When you know this, your confidence remains intact. Whether a relationship happens with this guy or the next, you’ll attract the love you deserve. Ready to dive in with your head held high? Then you’re ready to know how to do it.
Be honest about your situation
Ask yourself some honest questions
First up, there are some questions you need to ask yourself about the relationship you’re already having. Some booty calls evolve naturally from just sex, into sex with relationship benefits – even though they’re undefined and swinging much more his way than yours.
For example, if you’re already hanging out a couple of times a week outside of the bedroom, it’s likely he’s already getting ‘boyfriend benefits’, like support, companionship and affection. When the relationship hasn’t progressed, chances are he’s taking advantage of this, without having to label or commit to the relationship.
While that sucks, in all honesty, if you don’t value those benefits, why would he? Be truthful with yourself about the situation, take control, start prioritizing your own life and dial back on the benefits you’re giving him, especially when they’re not returned. This way, he’ll start to value what he perhaps took for granted and see you in a whole new light.
Even when you’re just hanging out occasionally and you rarely see the world together from anywhere but the bed, knowing that you call the shots makes all the difference.
Know that you’re in control
When you start falling for your booty call, it’s pure instinct to feel like he holds all the cards. You’re not sure if he feels the same way, fear of rejection creeps in and it’s hard to stop the whirlwind of thoughts crowding your mind – and your better judgement.
Know, from the beginning, that you’re very much in control, despite the overwhelming feelings. Even just the fact that, biologically speaking, as a female you have more options sexually than he does, proves it. It’s a simple truth that it’s much easier for women to have sex with who they want when they want.
And this means you hold all the cards.
It all starts with making him your booty call, rather than being at his beck and call. Earning his respect is an essential ingredient in the quest for commitment and when you call the shots, it’s practically a given.
How do you do it?
Take charge of the booty calls. Set them up when it suits you and don’t drop everything to go over to his place late at night. Prioritize doing your own thing and let him know you’re not just hanging around waiting for his text. It’s about doing things on your terms and showing him your value.
Show him your worth
When you fully understand that you’re the prize, you’ll demonstrate your worth and he’ll want to work for your affection. You’re special and unique outside of the bedroom, but he’ll never know it if you’re constantly dropping your own life to cater to his every urge.
Keep your options open
Doing so makes you appear as if you don’t have anything better to do and that he can, basically, have his cake and eat it to, all on his own terms. Keep your options open by dating other men, focusing on your career, going out with your friends and starting all those hobbies you’ve wanted to try.
He’ll get glimpses into a world that’s intriguing and sparks his curiosity beyond sex and you’ll increase your confidence in yourself. As this happens, he’ll want to delve through the shiny wrapping to what’s underneath, which triggers the beginning of a deeper relationship.
Make your moments memorable
As you show him your worth, avoid letting your emotions dictate your limited time with him. This often leads to self-sabotage, in the form of unnecessary ultimatums, nagging or passive-aggressive behaviour, to get your own way. Ask yourself why you want him to be your boyfriend, in the first place. Most likely, it’s because you love being with him, enjoy his company and crave how he makes you feel.
Which scenario is more likely to result in a relationship? He wants to feel like being with you lights up his life too, so make your moments together memorable. This doesn’t mean you have to wrack your brains trying to impress him. Just show him there’s a good reason for his curiosity about you.
Make sex an incredible experience, each and every time. Be his friend and show that you care about him. Include him in your life with stories about your night out or a funny pick up line a guy used on you at work. It’s not about making him jealous, it just lets him know you’re high value, your life is exciting and full of possibilities. He’s going to start missing your energy when he’s not around, which gives him an insight into how fun life would be, with you as a girlfriend.
Arrange fun activities outside of the bedroom
When you show him your worth, it’s likely your booty call will jump at the chance to spend more time with you, in order to join that wonderful world. This is when you offer him time with you outside the bedroom, in a way that best highlights it.
Are you competitive? Tell him you want to kick his ass at the arcade. Got a barbeque coming up on the weekend? Invite him over for a few casual drinks with your friends. Want to go to the trendy new restaurant down the road? Ask him to try out the menu with you to see if it’s what it’s cracked up to be.
If he says yes, you’ve got the green light to slowly increase the amount of time you do things together and, more than likely, he’ll start inviting you to things as well. If he says no more than a couple of times, but still sends booty call texts, at least you’ll know it’s time to move on and keep dating, rather than putting your energy into someone who’s not interested in returning it.
Don’t stress about the little things
So, what happens if he agrees to go to the latest movie with you and has to cancel, for a valid reason, at the last minute? Even though your emotions might take over and your thoughts scream ‘rejection’, it’s time to put your poker face on.
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Nothing squashes that spark of curiosity faster, than a nagging, insecure or ultimatum-driven response. Stay calm, give him the benefit of the doubt and respond with an easy, “no worries, we’ll do it another time”. Otherwise, you’re likely to trigger memories of previous girlfriends who’ve given him crap about small issues, revealing an underlying desperation in the process.
Remember that he’s not obliged to put you before his own life, priorities and responsibilities, and that this doesn’t necessarily indicate a lack of interest. When you’re doing the same, not sweating the small stuff simply makes sense and leaves space for a relationship to develop, without past issues getting in the way.
Let yourself be vulnerable
Being vulnerable doesn’t mean spilling your guts about your entire life all at once. But it does mean opening yourself up a bit and letting your guard down, so he feels free to do the same.
Sharing stories with him shows you trust him and helps him to feel connected to you emotionally, rather than just physically. To do this, you need to feel emotionally comfortable with yourself, which is another aspect that will draw him closer to you. Guys actually want to invest time and energy into helping you, taking care of you and comforting you, so inspiring this feeling in your booty call is an invitation for him to offer his ingrained purpose.
Being vulnerable doesn’t mean spilling your guts about your entire life all at once. But it does mean opening yourself up a bit and letting your guard down, so he feels free to do the same.
Slowly does it, in terms of what you’re comfortable sharing and how willing he is to go there with you, with both emotions and activities. At the end of the day, if you’re doing all of the above, you’re giving him every chance.
If it’s obvious he wants to keep his ‘booty call’ status and isn’t interested in more, it’s time to take your fabulous booty elsewhere. Look forward to the adventure and you’ll soon see how valuing yourself, above all else, leads you to the relationship you deserve.
