The Real Reasons Guys Want You More Once You Have A BoyfriendMost women have had it happen to them, and at some point, you’ve probably had it happen to you.
Very little was happening in your dating life. The person you wanted didn’t seem to be showing interest, and the only guy hitting on you was the creeper at the local bar. Your prospects for finding love felt about as good as your prospects of tripping over a winning lottery ticket.
Then, all of a sudden, things took an upturn. You met a guy you really liked, he liked you back, and not too soon, the two of you committed to giving an exclusive relationship a go.
And the nanosecond you committed to this new relationship, a bunch of guys appeared out of nowhere, and every single one of them wanted you.
Where were they when you were single?!?! How can their radars be so predictably accurate that you only show up when you have a boyfriend?
It’s a pretty common phenomenon, and guys get it too.
Traditionally, people always put it down to the same thing: “Guys want what they can’t have.” There is some truth to this, but there’s much bigger things at play you’ve probably never considered.
When you enter a new relationship, subtle, but significant, changes occur in your energy that are reflected throughout your interactions with men that mean they’re attracted like never before.
When you enter a new relationship, subtle, but significant, changes occur in your energy that are reflected throughout your interactions with men that attract them like never before.
Today, I’ll describe real-life, practical examples of the kinds of energies exuded by ‘taken’ girls that powerfully attract men. Then (and more importantly), I’ll show you how you can apply them when you’re single.
So, if you’re currently a single woman or just a woman in a relationship, who wants to learn something, listen up, because there are 6 subtle energy changes women in a new relationship emit that attract men to them, without them even trying. If you can learn and apply these, you’ll always attract men – irrelevant of your relationship status.
1. You love your life and your world
When you enter a new relationship, you see the world through rose-tinted glasses. Your future looks bright and you’re chatty and positive in all your interactions.
The sense that you have great things in your life you’re excited about runs through every interaction. It is vibrant and attracts people, who want to become a part of your world, to you.
When it comes to attraction and commitment with men, this is exactly what guys look for. If you are genuinely excited about your life, completely outside of men, guys will sense it and want to know what is so great about what you have going. The more men get the sense that your world is awesome, the more they want in.
Example scenario 1
You’re introduced to a group of new guys at a social event.
Before a relationship: You chat happily to the guys, but aren’t especially enthusiastic about the rest of your week. You smile some of the time; other times, you stay quiet. Your energy is flatter overall – you speak a bit more slowly and quietly and don’t move your body a lot with your emotions.
New relationship energy: You’re enthusiastic to talk to them! Even though the rest of your week on paper looks boring, you’re excited for it. You’ve got a playful smile on your face during your interactions and people can sense a positive vibe from you. You speak a touch faster, with more excitement in your voice, and move your body more during interactions with the positive energy you’re feeling through it. Man or woman, your energy stays constant.
Solution: Become as enthusiastic about life, as a single girl, as you are when you’re in a new relationship.
2. You become hard to get without ‘playing’.
It’s ingrained into all of us. ‘If it doesn’t take work, it’s probably not worth having’. And it applies in dating, too.
A guy wants a challenge. He doesn’t want a woman to fall into his lap. He wants a woman he won, using his unique masculine charm that he can then be proud to have in his life. He doesn’t want a woman who’s playing hard to get, rather, a woman who’s naturally challenging because she has high standards and is difficult to win over.
A woman playing hard to get is faking it. By entering a relationship, you’ve become ‘naturally challenging’ to other guys, without meaning to be. This is the true meaning of being ‘hard to get’, and it is possible to exude it without being in a relationship.
People say, “Guys want what they can’t have.” Well, guys want Scarlett Johansson, but they make no attempt to go after her, do they?
Guys don’t go after what’s impossible. The truth is, “Guys want what they possibly could have, but which is very difficult.” Men will work towards something that’s attainable, but very difficult, but won’t bother if they perceive it to be impossible.
Subconsciously, men don’t perceive you having a boyfriend as making you impossible… just very difficult. He may logically acknowledge he can’t have you, but as long as he’s still talking and interacting with you (especially if you’re still normal and friendly to him), his subconscious reads you as still possibly attainable. Hence, you’re naturally ‘hard to get’.
Example Scenario 2
You catch up with an attractive friend. You give him a massive hug, and have a ton of fun bantering all afternoon. Then, he asks if you’re free to hang again in the next day or two. Unfortunately, you are not.
Before a relationship: You had so much fun, today! You figure what you had to do tomorrow and the next night wasn’t that important anyway, so you clear your schedule and offer him both those nights, seeing which suits him.
New relationship energy: You tell him you’d genuinely love to see him, but you’re busy with other cool stuff (including your boyfriend) the next few nights. How about later next week?
Solution: When single, be warm to guys (flirty, touchy) and enthusiastic to see them, but fit them around your life, rather than fitting your life around them.
3. There is no agenda to *get* anything when you talk to hot guys.
This is powerful, and guys sense it big time.
When you’re chatting to guys, you don’t put out the vibe that you ‘need’ or even want anything from the interaction. You are a source and giver of positive energy, rather than a taker.
Most women, when they talk to a man they’re attracted to, are – often without realising it – wanting to obtain some sort of result. His attention, his approval, him to task her out. Maybe, they just want to ‘get’ the respect of other girls, who see them interacting. There’s a number of possibilities.
However when you have a boyfriend and you talk to a guy, you’re chatting to him because you want to chat. That is your result. It’s surprising (and really frickin’ attractive) for a guy to meet a girl, who is purely there to enjoy the conversation in the moment. He wonders how she can be so content right where she is, and he’ll want to spend more time around you to find out.
Example Scenario 3
You’re having a great, fun conversation with a hot guy at a party, when another ‘dorky’ male friend of yours joins in.
Before a relationship: Things are so going well with this guy, and you’re really hoping he asks for your number. You welcome your other male friend to the conversation, but your energy still focuses on the hot guy and trying to build rapport with him. After a while, your friend feels left out and excuses himself. You’re kind of glad he left you and the attractive guy alone.
New relationship energy: You’re enjoying the chat with the hot guy, then get really excited when you see your friend. You give him a hug and introduce the two of them. You all chat happily together for a while, but you’re laughing and bantering more with your friend, with whom you have more in common. Your friend mentions that another friend is here, and you get even more excited. You give the hot guy a hug and run off to go and find her. The hot guy is blown away by what just happened.
Solution: When single, don’t enter any interactions with hot guys, expecting a result. Let talking to them be your result. Stay in the moment and respond to things as they happen.
4. You become fearless, confident, and in the moment with hot guys.
Because you are no longer looking to ‘get’ anything, you have nothing to lose. And what is the primary trait of someone with nothing to lose? Confidence.
When you have a new boyfriend and then interact with other men, you exude the confidence of someone who has nothing on the line and so can just be herself. Hot guys don’t scare you… why would they? You don’t care what he thinks of you, because you have a boyfriend.
Guys so rarely see someone who is so comfortable in her own skin and doesn’t care how the interaction goes. Even though you’re in a relationship, this attracts them more to you than they would be if you were single.
Example Scenario 4
You’re introduced to an attractive guy at a party.
Before a relationship: You freeze and get nervous. You can’t think of things to say and don’t want to say something stupid. There are awkward moments where conversation lulls.
New relationship energy: You greet him with a big smile and a hug. You complement something he wears that you like. You get chatting, and the two of you have heaps in common! He then says he likes a movie you don’t, and you punch him in the arm and playfully make fun of him. Soon, something else at the party distracts you, and you give him a hug and run off.
Solution: When you are single, remember, before you’re introduced to a hot guy that you’re not ‘with’ him as it is, so you have absolutely nothing to lose when you chat to him. The worst-case scenario is that your life stays exactly as it is right now.
5. Your communications with men are better balanced
What do you do when you’re in a relationship and another attractive guy texts you?
Just because you think he’s attractive doesn’t mean he jumps up your priorities list. You probably finish what you were doing and get back to him later. Single? You actively turn your phone on loud, so you can hear his texts from the next room or have it in your pocket at work, so you can escape to the toilet the moment it vibrates.
You can learn a lot about how to prioritise a guy by watching or thinking about what you’d do if you were in a new relationship.
You’d still get back to the guy, but your boyfriend, your work, and your major hobbies are all likely to come first. A guy will find this attitude incredibly attractive, because it means you have stuff going on in your life outside of him, and just because he’s attractive does not make him a priority. You can be exactly the same way when you’re single! Everything else stays the same; the only difference is that there is no ‘boyfriend’ above him in the priorities list.
Example Scenario 5
You’re hanging out with the girls, and an attractive male friend (who you’d be keen on if you were single) texts you. He wants to know if you’re free that evening to hang.
Before a relationship: You pause talking to the girls and reply.
New relationship energy: You feel your phone buzz, but don’t check it until you head to the kitchen to grab a drink. You want to get back to the girls, so you don’t reply until you leave the party that evening.
Solution: When you’re single, if you’re having fun with friends or busy at work, finish what you’re doing before you reply. Even if it could be several hours.
6. You won’t overthink men
When you’re in a new relationship, you’re happy with where you are and what you have in your life. What’s the end result? You don’t overthink mixed signals from men.
When you’re single and a guy is giving you mixed signals, there’s constant analysis and overthinking. Should you make the next move? What do you send him? What are his intentions? What did he really mean when he said he “thought you were awesome”? Why did he not text back tonight? Is he busy? Is he with another girl?!?!?
When you’re in a new relationship, you handle a mixed signals situation easily. You don’t chase for an explanation, because you simply don’t care. You just wait until he clarifies his signals one way or the other.
If he never does, it doesn’t faze you. You get on with more important things.
Overthinking will drive guys away. Even if you don’t put it out to them, it comes across in your energy, what you say, and you’re contact with them.
Example Scenario 6
A guy has been showing interest in you. He’s an attractive guy with a reputation for parties and women, but also a cool guy to have as a friend when you are in a relationship. You text him, seeing if he’s free to catch up for some fun after-work drinks on a Friday. He doesn’t text back.
Before a relationship: You really hope he’ll get back to you, because you’d love to catch up. You wait. You spend the night at home, wondering why he hasn’t gotten back at you. You send him a spiteful message at night’s end saying, “Gee, thanks for getting back to me. Could have had the decency to let me know, so I could have done something.” The next day he replies, “Sorry, had a big night last night. Could do later in the week?” and you reply, “Oh ok, what were you up to last night?” – a subtle attempt at trying to find out if he was with another girl.
New relationship energy: You really aren’t phased that he doesn’t reply. You organise other plans and have a great night. He texts you the next day saying, “Sorry, had a big night last night. Could do later in the week”, and you reply happily, “Haha, f yes, hope you had fun! Later in the week sounds perfect! xx”
Solution: Mixed messages from men sort themselves out with time. Make sure you’ve given the guy a green light (in this scenario by inviting him out), then put him out of your mind, until he clarifies his signals.
So in conclusion, I hope by now you get… The real reason guys want you more once you have a boyfriend is because you consistently put out a more attractive, fulfilled, and naturally challenging energy than you do when you’re single.
The real reason guys want you more once you have a boyfriend is because you consistently put out a more attractive, fulfilled, and naturally challenging energy than you do when you’re single.
If you can manifest, when you are single, the same glowing energy that you have when you enter a new relationship, any issues you’ve ever had with attracting men will disappear from the radar of your life, never to be seen again. Want more info on manifesting this sort of energy 100% of the time? I’m offering a limited number of discovery skype coaching sessions free of charge. Message me on the Facebook for more information!