That might be the most popular question I’m asked when talking about online dating.
My answer, often surprises women. It is an unequivocal “Yes.”
I know. You’ve been burned on Tinder by numerous guys looking for something casual, trying to message you for easy sex. It’s not surprising you find my answer a little farfetched. But let me elaborate.
Tinder is a funny beast. It is the App that finally made online dating ‘acceptable’ for the last resistors in Gen’s Y and Z. For that, it deserves credit.
Tinder as a platform has filled up with all sorts of people, but has now established its more ongoing reputation as a hook-up app. While, in some respects, this reputation is deserved, in others, women forget there are just as many good guys looking for a girlfriend (but clueless on how to meet one), who sign up to Tinder, as there are guys looking for a quick root.
The problem is, if you don’t know how to make Tinder work for you, and you’re after something serious, the rather large percentage of men on Tinder, who aren’t, will ruin it for you pretty quickly.
I should probably elaborate on my answer to the earlier question. “Is it possible to meet a boyfriend on Tinder?”
Yes.
If…
- You have the right attitude,
- You know how to use the intricacies of Tinder to make it work for you, and
- You understand how the general concepts of online dating differ from real life dating and apply these to Tinder.
While explaining the important concepts of online dating is beyond the scope of this article (I’ve done that here, anyway; give it a read if you haven’t already), I can give you 10 specific action steps that apply to Tinder.
These alone will vastly increase your chances of finding a good guy on this famous dating app. If you want to find a boyfriend on Tinder, make Tinder work for you. Here’s 10 secrets to doing just that.
1. Don’t have anyone else in your profile picture
A guy who’s serious about looking for something on Tinder will want to get to know his matches. If he has to guess who you are from your photo, that isn’t a good start. Take the time to select a nice head-shot that clearly shows who you are and what you really look like, and keep group shots to 1-2 out of the 6 photos, max.
2. Screen out guys who go straight to sex talk
If any sex talk comes from him in your conversations before you’ve met in person (ideally twice in person), he’s doing you a favour and letting you know, right off the bat, he’s using Tinder for that reason. This will help you screen out a lot of the problem guys who make finding a boyfriend tough on Tinder. Thank him and stop responding.
3. Don’t be the selfie queen. Or even the handmaiden.
Typically, I recommend one selfie as plenty for girls, two if you’re doing something fun. Any more and you come off as superficial, which attracts the typical, superficial tinder crowd. If you don’t have 3 nice photos of you that aren’t selfies, head out with your friends and get some! It presents the image of a more well-rounded person.
4. No cleavage shots
If you’re on Tinder looking for a boyfriend, sexuality must be portrayed very subtly. Any guy trolling for booty calls is looking for the slightest hint you might be amongst the group of women who are too. You achieve a lot more by covering up and hinting at sexuality than you do displaying any of it.
5. Write a profile
Seriously girls. If you want to give a good guy a chance to stand out, you will have to put the time in to show you’re, at least, half-serious, too.
If you don’t have 3 nice photos of you that aren’t selfies, head out with your friends and get some!
Finding someone on Tinder means building a connection with them. You give a guy absolutely no chance of doing that if you don’t write a profile. When all you have is photos, then photos are all a guy has to judge you. What’s he going to think with? His penis. It’s the only option you’ve given him.
6. Avoid Profile No-no’s.
Once you’ve written a profile, you want to avoid the classic good-guy repellents that many women fall into the trap of doing. The biggest is any form of negativity, which is an automatic turnoff to any guy on Tinder who’s after more than a root. No matter how much you want to tell guys you’re “not playing games” or “not to bother messaging if they’re just DTF”, don’t. Your ruling out a lot more than the DTF’s by doing so.
Other no-no’s include spelling and grammar mistakes, and being too generic. “I’m a down to earth girl who likes to have fun.” Yep. And so is every other girl on Tinder.
The problem with internet dating (especially tinder) is it makes it easier to find the arrogant, good-looking asshole and pass over the awesome-hearted, genuine guy, because he wasn’t a visual 10.
Ask yourself, ‘Could what I’ve written apply to more than 20% of all women?’ If your answer is yes, either make what you said more specific, or delete it. You’re looking to build something special with someone, so you need to write things that are unique to you.
7. Be less ‘Tindery’ (i.e., less superficial)
Tinder is the definition of superficial, internet dating.
This has its advantages. It means you can meet a lot more guys, which substantially increases your chances of finding a good one.
It also means, with the abundance of choice, people get lazy. Women on tinder get picky – but for all the wrong reasons. They swipe right, based on superficial grounds, mainly looks, knowing nothing about the guys they’re sending left and right.
The problem with internet dating (especially tinder) is it makes it easier to find the arrogant, good-looking asshole and pass over the awesome-hearted, genuine guy, because he wasn’t a visual 10.
Being too generic… “I’m a down to earth girl who likes to have fun.” Yep, and so is every other girl on Tinder.
If you want success in finding real love on Tinder, put the superficial stuff aside – at least at first. When you meet the right guy with all the personality traits you’re looking for- caring, loyal, confident and kind-hearted, is it going to matter if he wasn’t a 9 or higher when you first saw his photo?
8. Swipe right a higher percentage (but less in total) and talk to them all
Being less superficial means more swiping right and meeting up before you rate a guy out of 10. Swipe right on a smaller total number (but a higher percentage) and give all those guys a chance. You’ll get less Tinder matches, but more real life ones, because you’ll chat and meetup with a lot more.
You might think this seems silly. You already waste enough time chatting and meeting up with the wrong guys on Tinder. Why add to it by spending time with guys you’re only half attracted to in the beginning?
Well, let me explain.
If you went through Tinder and categorised all the guys you came across into 3 categories:
A) Hot guy. Obvious right swipe.
B) Not bad, but not all that impressed either. So-so.
C) Would never date in a million years.
The B category is where the gold is.
This is where the good guys are that many women overlook, and what you achieve by swiping right a higher percentage, but going through less guys, overall, is to meet a lot more of them. Yes, the initial spark with some of these (B) men may not be as strong, but once you get to know them, that small spark can build into a raging inferno. The guys in category (A), on the other hand, often start out as fireworks that fizzle just as quickly.
9. Message something interesting that relates to him
Show you’ve read his profile (if he has one) and relate information in it to you. Make a statement and ask a question that starts the momentum between the two of you. If he has no profile, make a playful or teasing comment about one of his photos. Just do something other than saying “Hi.”
10. Have your first meet be 30-45 minutes long, one-hour max
Tinder is a numbers game, and you will meet a lot of guys who are less serious about dating than you will on eHarmony. Creating a dating strategy that accommodates this, so you can find the diamond in the rough, is crucial to your success. Rather than booking a 4-hour marathon date with one tinder guy you don’t know from a bar of soap, book 3-4 short dates throughout the day, squeezed between other things.
These ‘intro dates’ are one of the most effective online dating strategies. If he turns out to be a weirdo, you’re out of there quickly. If he’s just after sex, logistics prevent it from happening. BUT if the two of you turn out to get along great, a short date means you’ll be keen to see one another again, setting up a great platform for your next ‘real’ date.
Can you find good love on Tinder? Absolutely. I’ve met enough good, successful couples who met on this now famous viral dating app to know it’s very possible.
However, Tinder can be frustrating for women, inundated with booty calls, when they are looking to find serious love. If you want to use Tinder for something beyond one night, you need to understand it’s subtleties and make it work for you. With the right strategy, you can easily filter out the guys you don’t want to meet and set about finding that valuable golden needle in the proverbial Tinder haystack.
