“I was really into this girl, she had all the qualities I was looking for. Beautiful, confident, passionate, she had her own life and was so much fun to be around. But, I lost interest in her because she slept with me too soon”.
Why don’t guys ever say such things? Because the reason men lose interest after sex, has nothing to do with when you sleep with them.
Why Do You Think Men Ghost When You Sleep With Them?
Superficially, this is an easy question to answer. You think it, because it happens. Men do leave after sex, time and time again. What you need to remember though, is that it doesn’t matter if you have sex on the first date, or you make him wait a week. If he’s chasing you based purely on physical attraction, he’ll lose interest all the same.
Before we get further into it, make a point of dropping all the beliefs you’ve probably developed around sleeping with men too soon. Perhaps your friends tell you it never works, or maybe you’ve read about the ‘three date’ rule and kick yourself every time you break it. Hopefully, you’re not subscribing to any crap about being a slut just because you decide to have sex to fulfil an urge to. Nothing could be further from the truth and if any man implies this, he’s got a lot of evolving to do before he deserves the attention of a woman.
Once you’ve dropped these beliefs, you’ll leave space in your mind to move forward. This is crucial, because to avoid being used for sex, and to understand why men lose interest after sex, there’s an important concept you need to absorb.
Physical Versus Non-Physical Attraction
“It’s Not ONLY About The Physical Stuff…”
Both men and women experience physical and non-physical attraction, but there’s one prominent difference. For you, it’s likely these concepts fit hand in hand. You become attracted to a man because you think he’s funny, charming, kind or whatever it is that floats your boat, as well as physically appealing. On the flip side, a guy can be totally hot, but if you really don’t like who he is, it tarnishes your physical attraction and you’re probably not going to want to sleep with him.
For men, physical and non-physical attraction are also linked, except when it comes to sex. A man is perfectly capable of chasing you just based on physical attraction for sex, even if he’s not at all attracted to you non-physically. In other words, he’ll want to have sex with you, without any intention of emotionally connecting, let alone making you his girlfriend. This can be confusing, because often it appears as if a guy is attracted to the ‘you’ beneath the pretty exterior.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of men out there who’ve honed the ‘skills’ of appearing to like women non-physically, in order to get sex. They’ll literally say anything, to the point of faking non-physical interest and making you believe they like you, for you. This sucks and the behaviour isn’t likely to stop any time soon, if ever. However, knowledge is power and there’s no reason you have to fall for it…unless you want to, in order to satisfy yourself in a purely sexual way.
The Real Reason Men Lose Interest After Sex
Regardless of how a man acts before you have sex for the first time, the real reason he loses interest afterwards, is because he literally doesn’t feel enough non-physical attraction for you. If he did and he wasn’t just ‘reeling you in’ at the time, the non-physical attraction diminished after sex because you started acting differently.
If he was initially sizing you up as girlfriend material, it’s likely he was on the lookout for ‘red flags’. Perhaps you texted him 10 times an hour the next day, started bitching about your ex or revealed an insecure tendency to seek approval and flattery. So, now he doesn’t have to pursue you for sex and you’ve shown him that, non-physically, perhaps you’re not girlfriend material for him after all. He loses all interest.
“Regardless of how a man acts before you have sex for the first time, the real reason he loses interest afterwards, is because he literally doesn’t feel enough non-physical attraction for you.”
For a man to keep chasing, his non-physical attraction to you has to be as strong as the physical. No doubt you know of couples who’ve gotten together after sex on the first date. It happens all the time and proves that sleeping with a man you’ve only just met, isn’t a reason for him to ghost. He will keep chasing, if he likes what he sees beneath the facade.
So, the million dollar question is, how do you stop getting used for sex, from men who only have physical attraction for you?
Ask Yourself Empowering Questions 
The quality of the questions you ask yourself, determines the quality of your life. Let’s consider this question:
“How do I avoid being used for sex?”
Now, think about the possible responses to this. They could be:
“Have less sex.”
“Use tricks to make a guy jealous and keep him chasing.”
“Wait longer for sex.”
“Forget about dating altogether.”
They’re not very empowering responses, are they? That’s because the question is completely disempowering, to start with. Yes, you could delay sex and see if that works, having less sex means you’ll naturally get ‘used’ less and not dating anymore definitely solves the problem. They’re strategies that you could have success with, but they’re nothing but bandaid solutions.
The real issue here is not about trying to avoid being used for sex. It’s about empowering yourself and raising your non-physical attraction to a man, which is the REAL thing that determines his interest after sex. Therefore, it’s time to start asking yourself better questions, such as:
“How can I raise my standards, so I’m not so sold on a guy I sleep with that I would even want a relationship?”
“How can I stop seeing sex as something I’m ‘used’ for, and start enjoying my sexuality for me?”
“How can I build a life any man would find so NON-physically attractive, that no guy would ever want to stop chasing me after sex?”
Asking these questions puts you on a life path where worrying about when to sleep with a guy, how long to wait or how to stop being used for sex isn’t even a thing. That’s because questions that lead to empowering yourself, change your psychology regarding sex and relationships.
“The real issue here is not about trying to avoid being used for sex. It’s about empowering yourself and raising your non-physical attraction to a man, which is the REAL thing that determines his interest after sex.”
When you work on growing yourself and building non-physical attraction, you’ll understand your own value and men you meet will feel it. You’ll begin to recognise the signs of men who are just trying to get you into bed, because you’ll be raising your standards. Then, you can still choose to sleep with guys if you want to, knowing what you’re going into and that it’s your choice to do so. You can’t be ‘used’, when you want the sexual experience as much as the guy does. If that’s your choice, enjoy it.
There are always going to be men who flake after sex. Stop taking that as a sign there’s something wrong with you or with all men. Take steps to empower yourself, raise your standards and you’ll find you simply don’t live in the land of ‘flaky’ men anymore.
