10 Foolproof Ways To Stop Getting Played By Men
Do you have a habit of getting played by men? If so, you know the guy. He’s the one who’s always vague about plans, hides his phone, only communicates on his time and jumps straight out of bed after sex, no matter how passionate it was.
Getting ‘played’ can happen to anyone. However, certain women always seem to see right through it, or at least have the ability to ditch the player at the first sign of crap behaviour. How?
It’s not a psychic skill. It’s all about changing your mindset and that’s something that’s totally in your power to do.
1. Reinforce Your Foundations
First and foremost, it’s almost impossible to get played by men, when you’re happy within yourself. It really is. Women who have a strong social circle, fulfilling careers, healthy lifestyle habits and enjoyable hobbies, encourage their own self-esteem, as well as mental and physical health.
“It’s almost impossible to get played by men, when you’re happy within yourself.”
So, when that ridiculously charming man comes along with a winning smile and a barrage of compliments, they don’t dive in just because it makes them feel better about themselves. They might go out on a few dates and even sleep with him, if that feels like a fun option. But, the big difference is, they’re doing it for themselves.
They don’t get attached to the feelings he might inspire in them, because they receive emotional highs from other areas of their lives. If you want to learn more about this crucial step, check out, ‘The top 10 ways to build an exciting life that attracts men’. (MAKE LINK OPEN NEW PAGE)
2. Take Responsibility for the Role You Play
It’s entirely possible that you got played as a one-off and it’ll never happen again. It’s a very different story when you have a long line of players behind you. No one likes hearing it, but, in pretty much all life scenarios, repetitive patterns mean that it’s time to take a good look at our own behavior and stop blaming external influences.
In this case, hot guys that you invest time in without it being reciprocated. Facing the ugly truth is always a good thing, because as soon as you do, you have the power to change it. Ask yourself why you really let the last guy play you. Yes, in a sense, you let him do it. Then, refer back to ‘reinforce your foundations’ and get to work!
“Facing the ugly truth is always a good thing, because as soon as you do, you have the power to change it.”
3. Meet More Men
Back in the day, marriage was often a means of survival and procreation for women, which eventually led to the fear of being an ‘old maid on a shelf’. Despite the fact that this concept is now completely redundant, many women still suffer the after-effects of feeling like they’re somehow a failure if they don’t have a man. Unfortunately, some segments of society are still brainwashed with outdated ideals also.
A lot of women getting played come from a place of scarcity or feeling like they’re getting older and have to hurry to find a man. Because of this, they end up putting all their eggs in one basket and dropping their own standards. For example, they have two reasonably good dates and try to grasp on to an opportunity that’s not there.
If this scenario sounds familiar, understand that the more men you meet, the more options you’ll have. Expand your mind about what type of men you like and date guys who don’t necessarily fit your ‘type’. Stop going to the same old pubs and try a new group hobby or say ‘yes’ to the guy online who loves video games. Maybe he likes long strolls on the beach too, and you’ll find that video games rock!
4. Never Assume Exclusivity
It’s vitally important never to assume exclusivity, just because you’ve dated or had sex a few times. The whole concept of dating is to keep your options open and play the field to see who’s out there. Even if you’re not keeping your options open, he could be, so you’re in for a nasty surprise if you see him out with another girl.
The best thing to do, is always assume he is seeing other women, until you have a conversation about it and he straight out says otherwise. Don’t prioritize him in your life too quickly. Limit dates to once or twice a week, don’t be available every single time he wants to come over and most certainly don’t ditch your friends, family or hobbies to see him.
5. Don’t Just Give Away Your Gift of Exclusivity
On average, women have more options and potential to meet men, than the other way around. So, there’s simply more benefit to you being single, than for him. When you don’t appreciate this fact you’re likely to give away your wonderful gift of exclusivity, to men who fail to reciprocate.
When you’re seeing a man you have a great connection with, it’s often a natural inclination to start turning down other guys, even if you find them attractive. In the meantime though, the guy you’re seeing is still accepting advances from other girls. You can see where this leads. Keep seeing other men until you’ve discussed exclusivity. If sex is involved and you don’t feel comfortable doing that, value your exclusivity above sex.
6. Stop Chasing Men Who Don’t Chase You
Men will chase you if they like you. End of story. It doesn’t mean they’re not just after sex initially, but they’ll chase you all the same. If a man isn’t chasing you, he’s not putting in any effort. When you make a man’s effort and investment the first thing you qualify him on, you’re always on the right track.
“Men will chase you if they like you. End of story.”
Most players just don’t care about making an effort, so you’ll filter them out straight away. From there, you can comfortably decide who you have chemistry with, who’s in the friend’s zone and which guys you really like. Even if a player does make a bit of effort initially, he’ll filter himself out, in amongst the guys who actually make a sincere investment in getting to know you.
7. Always Watch What Men Do Rather Than Believing What They Say
Picture this scenario. You haven’t heard from a guy you’re dating all week and, out of the blue on a Saturday night, he texts, “hey gorgeous, I miss you, want to come round and watch a movie tonight?” He called you gorgeous and he misses you and he wants to watch a movie, isn’t that sweet? It might be, but it’s more likely that his words don’t line up with his intentions.
When you take note of his actions, or, in this case the lack of them, he hasn’t so much as texted you a ‘good morning’ all week, let alone called you earlier to make weekend plans. Actions will always speak louder than words, so don’t fall for smooth talkers who’d be able to convince you to jump off a cliff, if it suited their purposes.
8. Let Time Do the Talking
Let’s switch the scenario around. What if the guy you’re dating was out of town and busy at a work conference all week, does really miss you, and sincerely means it when he uses the term, ‘gorgeous’? It’s possible and there’s one surefire way to find out if that’s the case.
Just wait and see. Let him prove himself. In this case, perhaps don’t agree to see him straight away. Let him know you’re keen for a catch up soon or tell him when you’re next available. If he’s intent on putting in the effort, he’ll organise something then and there, or he’ll call back to arrange another date.
9. Keep Your Willingness to Walk
If you find yourself getting played right at the beginning, it’s usually easy to walk away. However, over a period of time and with sex involved, it’s just as easy to over-invest and start feeling like you need the emotional highs the ‘oh-so-charming man’ gives you. That’s when you get played.
Women who date for a little while, enjoy sex for what it is and keep their willingness to walk away, don’t get played. They can’t, because, even though they’re reciprocating, they’re not investing more into the situation than the guy is. With this willingness to walk, they can take their time to figure out if his effort warrants further investment.
10. Trust Your Instincts
When your instincts tell you something’s off, especially when you first start dating a guy, they’re usually right. Maybe you have unprompted, recurring thoughts of cancelling your next date, feel nerves in your gut – that aren’t the excited kind – when you’re having dinner with him or just know he’s putting on a show to get you into bed.
Players and manipulators will even go as far to say they’re exclusive to you when they’re not. They can straight out lie. You need to use the huge advantage you have over men, in that you’re better at reading them than they are at reading you. That’s brain chemistry. Combined with actions you know aren’t right, like being defensive about his phone or vague about where he’s been, you won’t be able to ignore the big red flag saying, ‘walk away now’.
The key is to do it. Walk away before you get played. When you follow these 10 tips, especially with regard to working on becoming happy within yourself and being the best you, you’ll stop attracting players in the first place.