What you need to know right now, is that there’s an important difference between attraction and compatibility. When you understand this, it’ll be like the proverbial light bulb switching on and saving you from floundering in the dark.
To kick off, here’s a true client story that you’ll no doubt relate to. It’s one that perfectly demonstrates the difference between attraction and compatibility.
True Client Story
For the purposes of this story, we’ll call the client Emma. She’d previously been in a relationship that wasn’t meeting her needs for many years. Then, she met someone new. As you might have experienced, spending years in a dissatisfying relationship, then finding a new guy to feel excited about, means that it’s easy to fall for that new man, very hard and very fast. The attraction is often so intensified, that you become blinded to incompatibilities.
Emma only dated the guy for about six weeks, before he broke it off. She sought help as her self-worth was at an all-time low. She was devastated that, after finally feeling the ‘high’ of love for the first time in years, she’d sunk so low, so quickly, when he called it off.
As if dealing with him deciding to break it off wasn’t enough, when he came over to get his stuff, things rapidly went from bad to downright disastrous. First of all, the guy stayed for two hours, which is way longer than needed to get his things, and they started chatting.
He told Emma he’d been seeing someone else for about two weeks, and that they were really happy together. Emma didn’t feel like he was gloating, but that he was genuinely happy. You can imagine how she felt on hearing that. He also told Emma that when she’d expressed that she liked him, he instantly became less attracted to her.
Not only that, but he said he knew he fucked up, so that when she said she liked him, he realised she must be even more fucked up than him. He continued to say he felt sorry for her, that he just didn’t like her enough and that he’d found someone he liked better.
If you’re cringing right now reading this, you’re feeling just a tiny drop of the ocean of pain Emma experienced. She wanted to crawl away and hide, but, the worst part is, she’d already known how shit this guy was.
The Bottom Line
So, this guy showed complete disrespect by talking about another girl he’d rebounded to, in an emotionally unhealthy space of time. He displayed a complete lack of empathy and character by even telling her that, let alone admitting to being so ‘fucked up’ that he couldn’t like someone who liked him. Along the way, he acted like he was the prize in the whole scenario, by demeaning her, telling her he felt sorry for her and that she wasn’t good enough for him.
A high-value man would, obviously, never do any of these things.
Emma knew she’d dodged a bullet. She knew he would have made a bad partner. Still, she felt she was even more pathetic, because she was rejected by a man of such poor quality. She felt like she couldn’t even get, let alone keep, a man of extreme low quality, let alone a good one.
And you know what? She was right. Just not for the reason she thought.
When You Become High Value, Everything Changes
Ask yourself these questions:
Do you think, if you’re a high value enough woman, you can have any guy you want?
Do you think Channing Tatum can have any girl he wants?
The answer is no, to both questions.
You see, when you become high value by working on yourself, something really interesting happens. More people find you attractive, but far less people find you compatible. Why? Because most people aren’t interested in growth and growing. They’d rather live in their insecurities, or they haven’t even realised they live that way yet. Most people would rather settle for a life and a relationship that doesn’t scare them.
It’s not all doom and gloom, as people are expanding at a rapid rate. In order to expand though, people need to leave their comfort zones and analyse their own inner landscape. A low-quality man like Emma’s probably doesn’t even know he has an inner landscape. He’s simply walking around as a slave to his issues and insecurities, meanwhile projecting them onto others so he doesn’t have to deal with them himself. That would be too scary.
When you do decide to leave your comfort zone in order to expand, you become high value. Then, everything changes for the better.
Understanding The Difference Between Compatibility And Attraction
When you’re working on being high value, if someone behaved with such immaturity, disrespect and insecurity towards you, you’d feel very happy indeed when they left. On the flip side, if someone like that did think they were compatible with you, you’d have reason to be very concerned about yourself and what you’re projecting in life.
Even if you attract a person like this, your compatibility is so mismatched that it’s a short-lived affair. Usually, they’ll break up with you because they know you’re out of their league and their ego jumps in to protect them. They’ll also try to make you feel bad about it, or yourself, as a desperate way to make themselves feel better or throw the blame somewhere else.
Think about it this way. You might think Channing Tatum is high value and can have any girls he wants. You’re right, he no doubt does attract a hell of a lot of women. However, there are very few women who could actually date him. Most would put him on a pedestal and very quickly succumb to insecurities about themselves. Deep down, they’d feel like they’re not good enough to keep him. They’d jump ship first, because they can’t stand the ever-nagging presumption that he’s going to hurt them anyway.
Attraction and compatibility in dating are often not linear. When you work on being a high-value woman, you don’t suddenly get to have everyone you perceive as ‘below you’. Nor, when you think about it, should you want to.
What Happens Next?
When you outgrow people, in many cases you simply disappear from their compatibility list. You enter a different bracket and anyone with avoidant attachment styles in brackets below you, blows themselves out quickly. This is something to be incredibly happy about. It means you’ve expanded and are ready for a whole new dating scene to open up to you.
After all, if someone has to prove to you that they’re out of your league by gloating or showing off a new partner, it just shows you how insecure they are about the league they’re in. The lion doesn’t have to walk around roaring, to prove it’s a lion. It’s just a lion.
Be the lion. Be the high-value woman you know you can be.
When you are, you absolutely won’t be able to get low-value guys. If you do, and they reject you, take it for the compliment it is. It just means you’re not compatible with them, regardless of attraction. Be incredibly grateful for that.
Has the light bulb switched on for you? Keep it shining bright and grow it by putting all your focus into being the best version of you. Start striding with purpose through life, increasing your skills, nurturing yourself and doing everything you can to make yourself happy.
Then, you’ll find a good man, or he’ll certainly find you.
If you want to learn the simple steps to becoming a high-quality woman who attracts high-quality men, then make sure you check out the Empowerment Academy.